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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22728691">I need you to know, I'm not asking for a miracle; but if love is enough, could you let it show</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lost_Girl_02/pseuds/Lost_Girl_02'>Lost_Girl_02</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Alex Stern - Leigh Bardugo, Ninth House - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Also Darlington will not stop thinking, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Post-Ninth House 2, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, but i do promise a happy ending, did I mention slow burn?, lots of introspection, some smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:13:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,481</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22728691</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lost_Girl_02/pseuds/Lost_Girl_02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Darlington has been returned from hell, thanks to Alex, Michelle, and Dawes, but life will never be the same. Both Dawes and himself are plagued by nightmares so, Darlington comes up with the brilliant plan to keep them both sane and well-rested: sharing a bed. But with feelings, both new and old, coming to the surface, this arrangement might be what tears the Virigil and his Oculus apart.</p><p>Or what brings them closer together.</p><p>---</p><p>Dawes/Darlington fic, post Ninth House sequel</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Darlington &amp; Pamela Dawes, Darlington/Alex Stern (past), Darlington/Pamela Dawes, Pamela Dawes &amp; Alex Stern</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Ask me no questions, I will tell you no lies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So.</p><p>I know this fic is going to be super niche, but halfway through my first read of Ninth House, I was like: Dawes is straight-up in love with Darlington. And that's a pairing that is just right up my alley so I wanted to write this fic because the idea would just not leave my mind!</p><p>This takes place after whatever happens in the Ninth House sequel, so I make a couple guesses about what happens but it's not really important to the fic.</p><p>I really hope you guys give this a chance, but if it's not your cup of tea, I understand, but please be kind in any comments/reviews!</p><p>I own nothing and certainly don't pretend to be the Goth Queen Leigh Bardugo, I'm just playing in her world. Title is from the CHVRCHES song "Miracle." (Amazing song that you should listen to).</p><p>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It all started with a familiar dream, one that blurred too often with memory at times.</p><p>His lips skimmed over skin as soft as he had ever felt, hands running up and down curves he could not seem to get enough of. He felt like he was going to rip out of his own  skin, the tight, hot feeling simmering in his veins only increasing in intensity as he tried to get closer. He was entranced by the scent that filled his entire mind, his tongue trying to lap up the undefinable scent at her neck and finding only sweat and the last lingering hints of soap. Soft, feminine moans punctuated the air, heading straight to his manhood that was already straining against his pants.</p><p>In a surprising move, he grabbed her legs, roughly depositing them on either side of his waist, groaning as he felt his hard length rubbing against the soft cotton of her panties. He tried to get even closer, sinking his entire lower body onto hers, but had to pull back from his assault on her neck and collarbone to take a shaky breath so that he didn't come in his pants like a goddamn teenager.</p><p>A weight fell on his shoulders, small hands radiating a disproportionate amount of heat for their size. Taking that as an indication to continue, he quickly reattached his lips to the smooth, pale column of her neck, kissing a line up to her ear and back down to her collarbone.</p><p>Small jerks of her hips were met with thrusts of his own, the friction only causing more arousal to coil in his stomach, as he braced one hand on the surface next to her head, the other lightly skimming the soft skin of her stomach. His fingers were just brushing the small ridges of her ribs when a voice managed to permeate his senses.</p><p>"Daniel..."</p><p>This was different from his usual dream-slash-memory — Alex never called him 'Daniel.'</p><p>But then again, the dream was never the same and sometimes the woman beneath him was the vision of Queen Mab that had started this recurring dream, and recently, more often than not, he was tormented by curly red hair and wondering what curves lurked underneath bulky sweatshirts.</p><p>"<em>Daniel,</em>" the disturbingly familiar voice pleaded, and not the kind of plea Darlington was hoping to hear in such a dream.</p><p>Struggling to separate what was his memory of that horrid glamour from Manuscript, what was hormone-fueled fantasy, and what was reality, he lifted his head and, his lips still tingling, saw the pale, freckled skin still glistening with the residue from his kisses.</p><p>"<em>Darlington!</em>" The nickname provided a harsh shock to his system like an ice-cold shower, and he was suddenly thrust into the world of the waking.</p><p>And what a heart-pounding reality it was.</p><p>Dawes' bright red curls were spread out over the pillows, her pale skin a stark contrast to the gray silk sheets. Her brown eyes were glassy, almost reflective as she stared at a point over his shoulder, as if she was trying to disappear. Or if she didn't move, he wouldn't realize she was there.</p><p>There were several issues with that, however, since somewhere along the lines, his dream had become dangerously crossed with reality.</p><p>Darlington had indeed braced himself on the mattress next to her head, random flyaway curls brushed against his fingers or arm with every breath, and with his own breath coming in harsh pants, the light, delicate touches were liable to distract him from more pressing matters. His other hand was still settled against her ribs, her shirt had been hiked up to just below her breasts to allow him that much access to her skin, skin that seemed to burn his own palm where he was touching her.</p><p>And, maybe the most damning shock was that, just as in his dream, his hips were cradled against hers, her legs on either side of him, one knee bent until it was almost hitched on his waist and he knew she must be able to feel his erection pressing against her obscenely. He didn't know if bending her leg was just her reaction to being in such an intimate position, if she was bending it to kick him away from her, or if he had been the one to put it there.</p><p>He wasn't sure which option he favored, each frightening in their own unique ways.</p><p>If he had managed to hook her leg up to his waist, he never remembered that as part of the dream, and if he couldn't remember that, what else did he do without knowing it? If that was just how her body reacted to such an encounter, he didn't want to know whomever else she had been in this position with, jealousy and anger creeping into the back of his thoughts. And if she was trying to kick him away...the thought of her rejection stung more than he thought it would, the intensity of even the potential hurt terrified him.</p><p>He opened his mouth to apologize, and he wanted to roll off her — well, he <em>didn't </em>actually want to move away, but if he stayed, he knew he would be tempted to continue — but her brown eyes held him in place. The tense silence that had settled over the room was charged with a heaviness Darlington didn't want to name at the moment.</p><p>"Please let me up." Dawes' quiet words were akin to a stab in his gut and he realized that she was shaking. She was one of his best, and only, friends and he never wanted her to be uncomfortable around him, but it was evident that she was scared of what he might do if he refused to get off her.</p><p><em>Daniel Arlington, gentleman demon.</em> It's what he was, but at the moment, he wasn't sure if he was living up to the "gentleman" part of that moniker.</p><p>He quickly rolled to the side, his breath not coming any easier, but he tried to regulate it. If he could just get some semblance of control over his lungs, maybe it would be easier to regain control over another, still throbbing, part of his anatomy. Darlington couldn't bring himself to look at Dawes, but he was still close enough to know that she was still laying, stiff as a board, in his bed. If he could just get her to understand that he didn't mean to...god, he felt sick, he had practically assaulted her.</p><p>Even though their arrangement had started to get <em>her </em>to sleep for more than a handful of hours at a time, it had begun to help him with his own nightmares, and he could barely describe the comfort and the brief moment of levity he felt when he knew that the introverted, brave doctorate student was lying next to him.</p><p>Turning his head to look at her, his heart crumpled when he saw the tears inching their way up to her forehead. "Pammie," he started, planning to apologize, but his voice must have snapped something in  her, since she sprung up with surprising speed and he sat up just as quickly.</p><p>Her hands fumbled with the hem of the large t-shirt she was wearing — Darlington felt a pang in his chest and his mouth go dry when he realized it was one of his — pulling it down farther than it was meant to go. She kept her red curls in front of her face, obscuring his view of her expression, and there was nothing he could do but watch as she pulled the nearest sweatshirt over her head, swallowing her up, and she grabbed a duffel bag before her head was even through the collar of the sweatshirt.</p><p>"Pammie, <em>stop,</em>" he begged helplessly as he watched her gather her belongings that had somehow been scattered around his room. "<em>Please...</em>will you let me explain?"</p><p>Dawes froze in the doorway, her trademark headphones dangling from one hand, the now-overflowing duffel bag on her shoulder. She hadn't deemed pants a necessary waste of time, so he could just barely see the flannel shorts she wore to bed peeking out from under the sweatshirt.</p><p>She nodded curtly, her eyes once again looking too reflective for his taste. He hated that expression of fear and determination on her face. It was like she was bracing herself for heartbreaking news.</p><p>"It was the dream," Darlington blurted out, hoping she'd understand. "That damned dream Manuscript put in my head last year. And it's been changing, but it always feels so <em>real </em>and I still can't tell what's part of the dream and what's real."</p><p>He tried not to think about how exactly the dream had been changing, the intense emotions it stirred up only becoming more amplified once Dawes started sleeping in his bed.</p><p>"I didn't know what I was doing...I thought I was still in that dream," he whispered, almost shameful that she should know how little control he had over his actions. "Pammie, <em>please...</em>" <em>say something,</em> he finished in his mind, unable to get the words out of his mouth.</p><p>She didn't owe him anything. Especially since, all given, it was a wretched excuse and Darlington didn't expect her to believe, and certainly not forgive him for crossing such a line.</p><p>"Was it me?" Dawes breathed, and he was just relieved she said something.</p><p>"What?" He asked, shifting forward, unconsciously trying to get closer but she noticed and took an infinitesimal step away from him. Darlington knew what she was asking, or at least he knew exactly what he <em>didn't </em>want her to ask or what he <em>wouldn't </em>want to hear if their positions were ever switched.</p><p>Dawes screwed her eyes shut, taking a deep breath — and he knew this was the absolute wrong time to do so, but this could be the only chance he ever got...so he memorized the image of her standing in his room, her frizzy curls in disarray around her shoulders, slim legs that seemed too long for a woman that could easily be categorized as "petite" disappearing into a bulky sweatshirt that stopped mid-thigh, that same sweatshirt had been put on in a rush so the collar stuck out to the side to give just a glimpse of her collarbone — as she steeled herself for the next question.</p><p>"Was it me in your dream?"</p><p>With a crushing realization, his heart sank as he knew he could never lie to her, especially not about something like this. Sometimes the Manuscript haze was clearer and Darlington could see the enticing image of Dawes beneath him or Alex with her tattoos marking her arms — though the latter had been becoming rare. Yet in this most recent dream, the haze was much thicker and he hadn't made the connection to who was the subject of his unasked-for fantasy that night.</p><p>"<em>Pammie...</em>" he sighed desperately. He couldn't mislead her even though he knew that telling her the truth would hurt them both immeasurably. He couldn't lose her, he <em>couldn't,</em> but he didn't see a response that wouldn't lead to that conclusion.</p><p>Dawes nodded, seemingly understanding what he refused to say, but she opened the door and moved to leave, stopping with one hand on the doorframe and turning back towards him sadly.</p><p>"You said 'Alex,'" she whispered before disappearing out the door.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope everyone enjoyed this first chapter! Sorry to tease you guys with the smut but this is a slow burn in every sense of the word.</p><p>Stay tuned for the next chapter in this angst- and feelings-riddled fic. I have everything written so I will try to be posting a chapter a day. This is my first time writing smut and for Ninth House so I really hope it doesn't feel OOC.</p><p>As always, please leave a kudos or comment if you're so inclined but please be kind/constructive if you do!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. We're looking for light in an ocean of night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here's the second chapter to anyone who is so inclined to read this, thank you so so so much for taking a chance on this fic!</p><p>This is a bit of a flashback chapter about how our favorite Oculus and Virgil found themselves sharing a bed! Plus I drop a couple of my speculations on what's going to happen in the Ninth House sequel. It's not really important to the plot, but I like to keep my fics kind of realistic to the world of the fandom I'm writing in, so I wanted to sprinkle some of my own guesses about how some things shake out in the sequel.</p><p>Once again, I own nothing here. Title is from the CHVRCHES song "Miracle" and Leigh Bardugo owns the marvelous Ninth House characters.</p><p>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>3 WEEKS AGO</em>
</p><p>No matter how long he lived at Il Bastone, it could never feel like home to Darlington. Nothing would ever compare to the rotting grandeur of Black Elm in  his mind. But, being barred from his home by a homicidal dean, and after being dragged back, literally, from hell by possibly the three most important women in his life, he was stuck at the headquarters of Lethe for the foreseeable future.</p><p>Alex had taken to staying at the Hutch in recent weeks, and while they were both in agreement that sleeping together once he returned from hell was...not a mistake, but more of a necessity, they weren't quite comfortable being in each other's spaces for extended periods of time. Falling into bed felt like the natural culmination of their relationship, but in the morning, it felt like they didn't know where to go after that. She had told him point blank that she didn't have any deeper feelings for him, and he wasn't in the headspace for a casual, sexual relationship with anyone, much less his friend.</p><p>That night, in the back of his mind, there was a tiny voice that he ignored that said something was off. And him and Alex had fallen back into their comfortable friendship, because he did respect her immensely and their Virgil-Dante partnership stayed as strong as it had been.</p><p>Darlington was trying not think about <em>why </em>sex with Alex, while objectively <em>good,</em> still felt wrong. And he didn't think it was because he had become a demon — since returning from hell he hadn't noticed any other physical differences, other than being able to see the Grays — so he was actively not thinking of any other reason why it was all too easy to fall back into a platonic dynamic with Alex.</p><p>He was wandering the darkened halls of Il Bastone, avoiding his own nightmares, not thinking about that night — and based on the fact that he had needed to tell himself not to linger on it three times in the past five minutes, he wasn't doing a good job — when he noticed a dim light on in the library. Poking his head inside, he shouldn't have been surprised to see Dawes' form slouched in a chair, a massive tome open in front of her.</p><p>A small smile turned the corners of his lips up as he made his way towards his Oculus, but it quickly faded when he saw her eyes were closed and soft little breaths coming from her open mouth. It worried him a bit that he didn't know that she had been in the house with him, but what was more concerning was that she had fallen asleep studying...at two in the morning.</p><p>"Pammie," he whispered, nudging her headphones off her ears, "wake up."</p><p>She startled awake, her brown eyes snapping to his immediately. With her eyes open, it was easier to see the dark circles that looked more like bruises underneath them.</p><p>"Let's get you to bed," Darlington urged, moving to grab her arm to help her up but she shook her head emphatically.</p><p>"I need to work on my dissertation," she insisted, turning her eyes back towards the book on obscure tarot readings, but she didn't realize that it was upside down.</p><p>He smiled tightly, "When don't you need to work on it? Just take the rest of the night off, you look like you haven't slept in a week."</p><p>Dawes glared at him, not contradicting his statement but also refusing to get up. "I'm fine," she replied curtly.</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Darlington closed the tarot book which earned him another glare, but he gently turned Dawes in her chair. He had a suspicion why she kept insisting she was fine, and he intended to find out if he was right. "Pammie, is there something going on?"</p><p>She closed her eyes briefly, before letting out a deep sigh. "I can't sleep," she murmured, refusing to meet his eyes. Darlington grabbed her hands, kneeling in front of her, silently urging her to continue her story. "It's just nightmares," she tried to brush him off, but her voice was tight and her attempt at nonchalance just tipped him off that she really felt the opposite.</p><p>"We all get them," he admitted, and Dawes finally looked up, her brown eyes desperate. He had never noticed before, but in the low light it looked like there were gold flecks scattered in her irises. "Stay with me."</p><p>Her shocked expression mirrored what he felt the moment the words left his lips — he wasn't quite sure where the offer had come from but he just knew he never wanted her to look that small and scared again, if he could help it. And he hadn't been lying about his own nightmares, they were the reason he himself was wandering around the empty hallways in the middle of the night.</p><p>"Maybe," he wet his lips unconsciously, his heart creeping further up his throat, "maybe sleeping next to someone will help keep them at bay."</p><p>Dawes chewed on her lower lip as she considered the offer, her dark red brows furrowing, a light crease forming between her eyes. Darlington was struck with the sudden desire to kiss the line until it smoothed out, but before he could shake his head to clear the image from his head, Dawes nodded, standing slowly.</p><p>He took a few steps back as she gathered her things, shoving them into a backpack and gingerly, almost reverently, placing her headphones at the top.</p><p>With another nod of her head, Darlington led her up the back staircase — she refused to go near the spot where she smashed Blake Keely's head in — feeling unreasonably nervous when he opened the door to his new home. He didn't know how much longer he would be able to stay in Virgil's quarters, probably only until Alex took over the mantle of Virgil herself, and after that...he didn't like to think about after that.</p><p>The large stained-glass window sat stagnant, the night sky distorted through the image of trees and rippling glass. His eyes landed on the bed, nearly triple the size of his narrow bed at Black Elm and probably twice as comfortable, but it still felt off. It wasn't home and it never would be.</p><p>He carefully watched Dawes as she took in the space, the red curls tied in a bun at the top of her head seemed to be the brightest point of color in the room, her beige sweatshirt too drab to have a place in such a luxurious room. Thankfully, all of his clothes were put away, the room looking immaculate as usual, only a few books he had been using for research open on his desk.</p><p>She was gnawing on her lower lip in clear apprehension as she scanned the room, clearly having similar thoughts as he. He was thinking he was going to have to take the lead with this whole "sleeping next to each other" situation he had talked himself into.</p><p>"Do you want some pajamas? I have a spare pair in one of these drawers here somewhere," he pretended to rummage through his pajama drawer, pulling out a pair of flannel pants and a spare t-shirt for her, and the one pair of sweatpants he owned for himself.</p><p>"Thanks for this," Dawes took the proffered clothes, her cheeks turning a light pink that almost swallowed up her freckles. She didn't need to say that she was thanking him for more than just lending her his pajamas.</p><p>"The bathroom's right through there, if you want to get changed in private," he gestured towards the door in the corner of the room. When she looked at the closed door in slight apprehension, he quickly tried to reassure her because he never wanted to cause her undue hurt. "I'll be right out here."</p><p>"Thanks," she repeated, closing the door tightly behind her.</p><p>Darlington let out a quiet sigh of relief, scrambling to change into the pair of sweatpants and stripping off his button-up, leaving his top half in just a thin, white undershirt. After depositing his dirty clothes in the hamper in his closet, he began absentmindedly straightening up his room to distract himself from dwelling on the fact that Dawes was changing just a few feet away.</p><p>Sometimes he wondered how he found himself in situations like this — about to sleep next to one of his best friends and a girl he had fe...he would never make it through the night kept focusing on Dawes wearing his clothes.</p><p>"Here, do you need the bathroom?" Dawes' voice broke through his thoughts, and he snapped his head towards the sound, immediately having to force his brain to work.</p><p>Her red curls were still piled on top of her head in a loose bun, small curls brushing her cheeks and forehead, and his hands itched to twirl a strand around one pale finger. But then he made the mistake of looking down, and his stomach tightened, heat shooting to his groin as he saw her pale collarbone peeking out of his black t-shirt, her freckled arms wrapping around her torso self-consciously. Dropping his gaze even further, Darlington had to actively bite back a groan when he saw the flannel pants he had worn just the other week pooling at her feet. It was so out of the ordinary to see any skin from Dawes, and to see so much at once was like a shock to his entire system.</p><p>And not the kind of ice-cold shock he was finding himself in desperate need of. There was no way he was getting through the night with his dignity intact.</p><p>With an awkward nod of acknowledgement — Darlington didn't trust himself to talk with any kind of regular tone — he made his way into the bathroom, leaving the door open. Taking a few deep breaths to settle himself, he quickly went through his nightly routine, the easy, methodical nature helping him calm his nerves. A quick glance in the mirror showed that nothing about his appearance looked out of the ordinary, his brown hair looking only mildly tousled from when he had removed his shirt earlier to change. He went to fix the few strands out of place — not usually one for vanity, but he was already acting so out of character in the past hour, so why not? — but he froze when he saw a shadow out of the corner of his eye.</p><p>His eyes snapped to Dawes' hesitant form in the mirror, the temperature seemingly rising in the rather spacious bathroom as she sent him a small smile, picking up a spare toothbrush. He followed suit, and it felt oddly domestic, the two of them bumping shoulders as they brushed their teeth in unison.</p><p>They both finished at the same time, and he couldn't resist placing a hand at her lower back as he followed her out into the bedroom.</p><p>It didn't take long for the two to get ready for bed, Dawes bending over to dig through her backpack to find a charger for her phone — he refused to look at her as she did so — and he quickly took his side of the bed, his body immediately sinking into the comfortable mattress. He hadn't realized how fatigued he truly was until he was under the heavy comforter.</p><p>Darlington didn't watch as she got into bed, his eyelids becoming heavy as the smell of the Il Bastone library — mainly the unique smell of leather-bound books and parchment — filled his senses. He even felt the mattress dip with her weight, and on an impulse reached out, brushing his hand against hers.</p><p>For one heart-stopping moment, she didn't react and he even heard her breath catch in her throat, yet as he was fully expecting her to pull away, her slim fingers moved against his. she turned on her side to face him, interlocking their little fingers sweetly.</p><p>"Thank you, Daniel," Dawes murmured sleepily, and he finally gained the courage to look at her, a peaceful expression on her face, her pink lips upturned slightly as her brown eyes closed.</p><p>He waited until he was certain she was asleep, her breaths evening out, before he dared say the words he had been wanting to say the whole night. "Don't you know I'll do anything for you, Pammie?"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for reading!!</p><p>I really hope you enjoyed this and feel free to leave a kudos or review if you are so inclined they would be much appreciated.</p><p>I'm planning on posting the next chapter either later today or tomorrow so keep an eye out!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. I feel like I'm falling but I'm trying to fly; where does all the good go?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Two in one day!!</p><p>This chapter is slightly shorter than the previous two, but it covers a lot of ground, pretty much bridging the first two chapters.</p><p>Repeat: I don't own anything, characters belong to Leigh Bardugo; title is lyrics from CHVRCHES song "Miracle" (my new current musical obsession.</p><p>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Darlington had never slept better than whenever Dawes was next to him. After that first night, he had woken for the first time in almost a year well rested and with no memory of his dreams. He had actually managed to have a night of peaceful sleep, and when he had woken, the warmth radiating from the young woman whose hand was still brushing against his threatened to pull him into a deeper sleep even as the sun shone through the stained-glass window.</p><p>The desire to pull her closer, to selfishly bring some of her warmth into himself, and just stay there until the sun disappeared back under the horizon, filled him up.</p><p>But he quickly rid those thoughts from his mind, not wanting Dawes to get the idea that this arrangement was anything more than just a simple comfort for two friends to save themselves from nightmares.</p><p>Despite the ever-louder voice in the back of his mind that was telling him that might be <em>exactly </em>what he wanted.</p><p>The second day managed to be even more awkward than the first. Dawes was gone  by the time he emerged from the bathroom, her side of the bed was made, her backpack and phone charger gone — it was like she had never been there. It twisted his stomach in knots to see her so removed from his space, because after seeing her in his room, in his <em>bed,</em> Darlington wasn't sure he would ever be able to erase that feeling of completion he had felt.</p><p>They danced around each other that whole day, Darlington roaming the halls, only catching glimpses of the redhead in passing as she dashed in and out of the kitchen for a bite in between all her studying and researching, unable to focus on the ancient book on ritualistic magic he was meant to be looking through for a ceremony Alex needed for Book and Snake. He was playing over every possible scenario for the night — from Dawes turning him down and saying that last night was a mistake, to her agreeing to stay another night in a Virgil quarters,to her straight up disappearing out the front door of Il Bastone. He didn't want to think about how long he spent trying to plan out his every response to any possible sentiment Dawes might say.</p><p>Before he realized it, that second day had passed, and Il Bastone creaked with the chime of the grandfather clock's bell. It was midnight already, and he couldn't keep his feet from tracing the familiar path to the library.</p><p>It was déjà vu when he saw Dawes' hunched form in an overstuffed chair, the lamp beside her dimmed. Her eyelids were twitching restlessly, her mouth pulled into a tight frown that looked much too serious for sleep.</p><p>So he had shaken her awake, the two repeating the same routine from the night before in a comfortable silence, and an unspoken agreement was reached that this would simply be the new normal for the two of them.</p><p>And that's exactly what it was for the next few weeks.</p><p>Darlington tried not to think about how much of his days were spent looking forward to when it was late enough that he could teasingly chastise Dawes for spending too much time in the library and suggest they go to bed.</p><p>And those were the actual words he used. There were several times he actually asked her, "Do you want to go to bed?" in complete seriousness.</p><p>Then, they would go to his rooms, and it felt like once they crossed the threshold, a fog of domesticity would settle over them — a few of her sweatshirts hung in his closet, she kept pajama bottoms in his drawers but was always wearing one of Darlington's old t-shirts to bed, his toothbrush was next to hers in the bathroom — and he never wanted it to lift.</p><p>And while there wasn't anything untoward happening between the two of them, he couldn't help but hear that voice in the back of his mind that was telling him that it wanted to reach out and pull Dawes close and just lose himself in her.</p><p>No matter what he tried to convince himself and ignore that voice, his subconscious was merely amplifying his every sinful thought.</p><p>His dreams — and nightmares — seemed to start featuring Dawes in a starring role. Whether she was arching her back beneath him, her eyes closed and mouth open in passion while he was completely consumed by her. Or she was reaching out to him from the hellmouth, her eyes wide in fear and his name on her lips, as he simply watched her be consumed by the sulfur that he had once given himself to so willingly.</p><p>There had been countless mornings in those weeks where he had woken up significantly close to Dawes than he had been when they fell asleep, and she never commented on it. Sometimes she would blush as she sat up, running a hand through her curls so timidly, her gaze lingering on his for the briefest moment stretched into an eternity that he thought he could combust under her gaze. Her brown eyes just held this weight and knowledge that he didn't dare try to rationalize to himself, or else he would realize that she must know exactly what he was thinking.</p><p>Sinful thoughts and all.</p><p>On the nights they both couldn't fall asleep until it was sunrise, they lay in the darkened room, confessing to each other what they were running from.</p><p>Dawes told him about how she saw Blake Keely's crater of a skull, her hands dripping with blood until she drowned in it, or how she wasn't fast enough and Alex was the one to die that night on the entryway's steps, or of how hellfire would just consume her and she was screaming and burning until she woke up. Darlington told her about his grandfather and his murder, about how Black Elm came alive to lock itself against his touch, and how the memories of brimstone and pain returned to him in his dreams, and what he feared would have happened to him if she, Alex, and Michelle hadn't found him.</p><p>He couldn't tell her about the dreams of what he could be capable of if he gave into the demon he was now. The nightmares he had to gruesome visions of Alex in pieces at his feet, of Dawes herself clawing at his arms as his hand wrapped around her throat.</p><p>Darlington knew he couldn't keep inviting her into his bed if he told her those dreams. He couldn't face the expression of horror she would wear. He just woke up, his stomach rebelling and his cheeks wet with silent tears, and he let himself pull her closer, slipping his arms around her waist, and wondered how much longer he would be allowed to be with her.</p><p>They stayed in this insulated bubble of support and unspeakable tension for roughly two weeks with no disruption...until Alex barged in one morning, unannounced, to get his opinion about her report on some Aurelian ritual.</p><p>Both him and Dawes had been startled awake by the door slamming open and Aelx's incredulous, "What the <em>fuck?</em>" Dawes had turned bright red, her mouth opening and closing as she stuttered out fractured words, trying to explain their situation.</p><p>Embarrassment, terror, rage, and a rush of protectiveness welled up in Darlington as he had sprung up from the bed, quickly showing Alex the door. He had tried to explain that he never touched Dawes, that sleeping next to each other was simply a way to help them make it through the night a little easier.</p><p>She gave him a look that said she clearly didn't believe him, murmuring words he had never let himself forget. "She's the one that waits with your favorite soup to welcome you back home. If you break her...just don't break her into so many pieces, she cuts herself on her jagged edges."</p><p>A million different arguments flashed through his head about how they weren't doing anything remotely close to sex or that they didn't feel that way about each other or how he would never even dream of hurting her, but they all stuck in his throat. Even if he lied to Alex, she would never have believed him anyway and so he just nodded tightly, promising that he would never intentionally hurt her.</p><p>Because all of his potential arguments had been lies.</p><p>Sleeping together, even in a platonic sense physically, felt much more intimate than any sex Darlington had ever had. His nightmares were filled with images of Dawes in pain caused by his own hand. And his own feelings...he barely dared to name what he felt but had to admit that he cared for her in a way that was unique among all the relationships in his life.</p><p>He should have sensed that there was a reckoning was coming. There was no way he could keep his growing attraction to Dawes a secret, especially when he was sleeping with her only a few inches away. And after Alex had "caught" them, he was even more on his guard, watching how tactile he was, even in his sleep, trying to wake up before her every morning to shut himself in the bathroom and calm his racing pulse — and to occasionally take care of the tent in his pants.</p><p>But once she left his room that morning, a bag of necessities over her shoulder, he knew that she wouldn't be returning that night.</p><p>Frustration and guilt welled up inside him until he thought his emotions would leak out of every pore in his body. He wanted to release his anger, destroy something or smash some very expensive plates to bits — like he had once done with Alex. He wanted to get drunk and forget about the memories of Dawes' warmth spreading to him from the right side of the bed. He wished that he had handled that morning differently, to have told her that he was dreaming of her, that he <em>had been </em>dreaming of her for weeks now. He wished he had told her that he wanted more from their relationship, that the support and comfort he felt whenever he was near her was due to more than just shared experiences and friendship.</p><p>It wasn't surprising when he no longer saw Dawes around Il Bastone, and when he crossed campus to the Hutch, she was never there. Alex telling him that she had left anywhere from a few hours to a day before.</p><p>So, he fell back into the new-old routine of wandering the halls of Orange at night to stave off nightmares that seemed more real than his reality at times. Darlington would regularly  pull all-nighters, studying any and every topic he could think of that could be useful for Lethe. He spent days in a sleep-deprived haze, cycling between mania and sheer exhaustion, surviving on whatever he could make in less than ten minutes and three hours of rest every so often.</p><p>Darlington wanted to say it was hell, but unfortunately, he had firsthand experience with the place, and life without Dawes was maddeningly close.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Now, we're all caught up and moving forward with the plot.</p><p>Would you guys believe that this was supposed to be a one-shot?? Most of this chapter was originally part of ch. 2 or 3 but all of them needed to be split up because Darlington will just. Not. Stop. Thinking.</p><p>But I love him anyway.</p><p>Also, Alex's line about Dawes being the girl to wait for him with soup ready was this one line that I wasn't sure I was going to be able to work into the fic and I was so happy that I could.</p><p>Please, once again, I implore you to leave a kudos or kind comment or critique if you wish.</p><p>See you tomorrow for the next chapter...it's a doozy.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. I'm not asking for a miracle; if you feel it could you let me know?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here is the fourth installment in this little fic of mine!</p><p>Thank you so much for anyone who has taken the time to read any part of this fic, you have no idea how much it means to me. I didn't know if anyone was even going to click on this, much less read it and like it, so thank you!</p><p>Once again: I don't own anything, not the characters and not the title, once again from CHVRCHES's "Miracle."</p><p>Enjoy!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You need to come get your girlfriend," Alex demanded, walking straight through the main door of Orange, bypassing Darlington as if he was just a common doorman.</p><p>"Lovely to see you too, Galaxy," he muttered sarcastically, rolling his eyes and locking the door behind her. "But I'm afraid I don't know who you're talking about."</p><p>Alex leveled him with a scathing, disbelieving glare. "You're much too intelligent to play dumb, <em>Daniel.</em> Dawes is great and I love her...but she's driving me insane."</p><p>He felt guilty that his own mistake had been impacting Alex, but his heart snagged as he thought about admitting to her that he had fucked up to such a degree. So, the only option he had...was to double down on the lie. "I'm sorry about that, but I truly don't know what would be wrong. And I shouldn't have to explain this to you again, but there's nothing going on between Dawes and I."</p><p>"Bullshit." Alex was the one to roll her eyes this time. "You don't sleep with her for weeks and not develop feelings for her. If not, you're more fucked up than you already were."</p><p>"We didn't sleep together," he bristled indignantly, his anger rising, crossing his arms tightly, but stared at his feet.</p><p>With a scoff, Alex just replied. "My bad, because sleeping platonically in the same bed is so much less meaningful than sex. <em>We've </em>had sex and have no problem being in the same room as one another." She sighed, the tension leaving her body, and she scrubbed a hand down the side of her face. "Look, you just have to say 'yes' or 'no,' but answer me this...you care about her differently than you care about me."</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>A weight settled over his shoulders, because he didn't know how much Dawes had told Alex about the night everything went wrong, but by admitting that he had...<em>unique </em>feelings for the redhead, he was certain she could piece together the unsavory events. They still had to work together on a regular basis, he couldn't have here hating him too. He wanted to tell her that the feelings he had for Dawes ran deep that he had been existing as a mere cog in the machine in the week since Dawes stopped coming to his room at night. That he almost has a panic attack when he opens his closet and sees the sweatshirts she had left there and hadn't been back to retrieve.</p><p>Love was a big word in his book, and he wasn't sure if a demon such as himself was still capable of feeling love, and he <em>certainly </em>didn't want to think about "love" and "Dawes" in the same breath, but Dawes...she was intelligent and compassionate and kind and beautiful and brave...he could easily see himself falling in love with her with little hesitation.</p><p>Alex nodded, almost like she understood what he was thinking. "Dawes...she's comfortable with her books and the theory of it all, until you put her in the thick of it. When you ask her to act on instinct and without regard for her own safety or what might happen to her friends. When you try and ask her to do what we do...she freezes. She's terrified of making the wrong call and that mistake hurting others, especially those she loves.</p><p>"But as scared as she was after the whole Keely incident, she still agreed — without hesitation — to go into literal fucking <em>hell </em>to find you. Just...think about what that says about her feelings for you."</p><p>Darlington shook his head, not wanting to believe what she was saying, but in his heart, he knew her words made sense. He knew that the fear and pain of rejection had been what was holding him back from going to Dawes, from throwing himself at her feet and pleading for her to come back to him.</p><p>From showing her his heart and hoping she felt the same.</p><p>Her voice that morning, some of the only words she had said to him, the last words she had said to him in weeks — "You said Alex" — in that sad, heartbroken voice haunted him. He hadn't wanted to let himself believe that she had said that because she had wished he had groaned out <em>her </em>name instead, because although Darlington prided himself on his mind, he didn't know for sure and if there was even a chance he could be wrong...he couldn't take that chance.</p><p>"What do I even say to her?" Darlington asked helplessly, truly having little idea how to go about telling all of these things to Dawes.</p><p>"I don't know," Alex shrugged, rolling her eyes sarcastically. "I have a feeling you're going to be good at all this 'feelings' shit. And it's <em>Dawes,</em> be honest with her and she'll come around."</p><p>He nodded his thanks, and Alex took her leave through the front door. "Can you at least tell me if she's at the Hutch? I don't really want to wait much longer."</p><p>His Dante laughed throatily, nodding her head. "Damn you are whipped, but yeah, she should be there now. I'll be back around midnight if you two need some peace and quiet. But seriously, don't fuck anywhere I can walk in. I was almost traumatized by the two of you sleeping quietly, I don't need anything more in my head."</p><p>Darlington spluttered in indignation, his cheeks burning red from the insinuation, Rushing headlong into a physical relationship didn't seem like the right way to go about things at the moment...he was just hoping Dawes agreed to speak with him."</p><p>He split from Alex ten minutes from the Hutch, the young woman going to pay her respects to Tara Hutchinson. So, he walked the last few blocks in peace, ignoring the Grays hovering in the background, just like the thoughts just hovering around the edge of his consciousness — basically all the ways things could go wrong — and stuffed his hands deep in his coat pockets, balling them into fists to stop himself from fidgeting.</p><p>Before long, he was climbing the steps to the Hutch and pushing the door open, peering into the space. It looked cleaner than Darlington had ever seen it, the stench of bleach lingering in the air, every surface was spotless, the hardwood floor looked freshly polished, and the few books that lined the shelves in the main room looked alphabetized and sorted by subject. He was so stunned by the development that he didn't hear Dawes' footsteps until she was in the doorway.</p><p>"I hope you don't mind, but I wanted to get started on your room..." she trailed off as she looked up, freezing as her brown eyes landed on Darlington. "You're not Alex."</p><p>Her red curls were in a messy bun on top of her head, strands falling out in chunks around her face and down her neck. Headphones rested at her neck, a bulky sweatshirt coming down to her thighs, long black leggings sticking tight to her legs. She looked like she hadn't slept for roughly three days and her freckles stood out from her skin, and she had never looked more beautiful.</p><p>"Sorry to disappoint," he tried to make his voice sound light, but he fell short, a harsh silence falling over them. "Been busy?"</p><p>Dawes scoffed, "Yeah. Alex looks at me as if I've lost it, but cleaning is a nice distraction."</p><p>"From what?" he asked hesitantly, his voice lowering minutely. From her dissertation? From her thoughts? From him?</p><p>"I'm having nightmares again," she replied in a matter-of-fact tone, but her gaze dropped. "I can't sleep for more than a few hours at a time, but if I do...they start."</p><p>Darlington nodded, taking a step towards her, and although she clearly noted the movement, she didn't retreat. He took that as a victory. "They're worse than before," he admitted, and her eyes snapped back up to his. "I can't sleep without you, Pammie."</p><p>Dawes looked away, biting her lower lip hard, and when she turned back to him, her eyes were reflective. "Daniel...you can't just say things like that to me," she blushed, her voice wavering only slightly before hardening. "Not if you don't mean them."</p><p>"What if I do?" He whispered, taking another step forward, now close enough that he could smell the faint stench of bleach and cleaning supplies coming from her. "Come back to Il Bastone tonight. Please, Pammie, just to sleep...I won't try anything, I swear." His breath caught in his throat, but he forced it out, along with the next few words. "We help each other, don't we?"</p><p>There it was. He had laid pretty much everything he had to offer on the table, and it was in her hands now. And if she told him to get out of her face, that she didn't need him, he would leave without argument and not bother her with this again.</p><p>But before the anticipation could grow any more tense, Dawes nodded. "I think so," she murmured, tucking a stray curl behind her ear.</p><p>As much as he wanted his hand to be the one to tuck that strand of hair over her ear, he kept his hands firmly at his sides, relief coursing through him, his shoulders practically sagging.</p><p>"Thank you," he whispered, though they both knew that there was no need for thanks. "So, should I expect you at Il Bastone for dinner?"</p><p>Dawes' pink lips quirked upwards in a practically delectable smirk — he desperately wanted to kiss the expression off her face — and her brown eyes actually looked light with mischief. "You never will stop being the gentleman, will you?" She let out a throaty chuckled, and Darlington couldn't help but laugh along with her — he was well aware of his sometimes outdated speech patterns, and he certainly slipped into the formal tone if he was nervous. "But...I've just opened some wine and leftover takeout if you want to stay."</p><p>He felt even more hope at the offer, she wouldn't invite him to stay if she was still pissed at him...or uncomfortable being alone with him. There was just a little kernel of hope that had planted itself in his mind, that maybe, just maybe, Alex was right...that Dawes' feelings for him went a bit deeper than friendship.</p><p>"Sounds great," he agreed, and as he turned to shrug off his coat, he spotted Dawes tuck another curl behind her ear, her cheeks turning a bright shade of pink.</p><p>Darlington made his way into the kitchen where Dawes was rooting around in the freezer, unbuttoning his cuffs and rolling his sleeves up to the forearms. Putting a hand on the small of Dawes' back to make sure she didn't step back and run into him, he leaned around her, grabbing a nearly full bottle of chardonnay off the counter and two glasses from the cabinet. She busied herself with reheating some chicken and pasta dish, darting around the kitchen as if she had forgotten where things were placed — she would go to one cabinet to get plates and dash across the kitchen to put them on the small island counter, then dash right back across the small room to grab silverware. On the other hand, Darlington knew he was projecting a much calmer façade than he was feeling, pouring them each a generous glass of wine before helping Dawes divvy up the leftovers.</p><p>Blushing every time their hands — or shoulders or sides — brushed against each other as they danced around each other, Dawes led him into the small living area, a plate in each hand. Darlington followed right behind her with the wine, settling on one end of the old, overstuffed sofa.</p><p>"I thought this might be more comfortable than the old table." Dawes said by way of explanation, offering him a plate as she sat at the other end of the sofa, tucking her feet up underneath her.</p><p>Darlington smiled, exchanging the wine glass for the plate, a thrill running through his spine as he kicked off his shoes to stretch out his legs into the space where hers would've been had they not been tucked up under her.</p><p>The sofa was small enough that they were only sitting a few feet from each other, close enough that, as the night progressed, the two found themselves unconsciously drifting towards the middle. It didn't take much, and before long, Dawes' knee — she was now sitting sideways on the couch, one leg crossed a the knee, lick she was sitting criss-crossed but with only one leg, the other dangling over the edge of the sofa — was brushing his thigh as he had adjusted slightly to turn sideways and face her.</p><p>He forgot how refreshing it was to simply talk to her, and not about the nightmares that plagued them both or the duties they both needed to perform for Lethe, but about anything else.</p><p>Dawes was witty and intelligent when you got her to open up, and Darlington had long since forgotten how much he appreciated simply being in her company. They talked about her never-ending dissertation — him offering to give it a read-through for review but then she said that she wanted to spare him the headache — to the ancient Roman manuscript on witchcraft he was currently translating — he was stuck on a certain phrase he had never seen before and she promised to give it a look, promising to bring every obscure Latin translation she had — to arguing about their favorite musical styles — he preferred classical, she was partial to 80s alternative.</p><p>In fact, that last one led to Dawes pulling out her phone, the two taking turns playing their favorite songs for one another.</p><p>The wine was cheap, they were still college students after all, but it did a fair job at loosening his limbs and warming him up from the inside. Although, by their second glass, Darlington felt brave enough to ghost a hand over her knee and only an inch up her thigh before brushing some of her curls away from her face. He was leaning in closer as if he was having trouble hearing her over the music, but he really just wanted that spark in his gut as she steadied herself with a hand on his shoulder to speak directly into his ear. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but her smiles seemed easier as she laughed as another one of his "stuffy old white man composer music" songs came on, her blush becoming ever present as the wine flushed her pale skin.</p><p>As the night lengthened, though only around ten, the two fell into a comfortable silence, the sound of Tchaikovsky the only thing to fill the air. Dawes had teased him earlier for his "ballet" music, but she sat next to him, letting her head drop onto his shoulder as she stared at her phone with a slight smile. Wrapping a tentative arm around her, he realized that <em>this </em>was what he had been searching for all those nights he had slept alone wondering what it was about Dawes' absence that was irritating him so much.</p><p>It was the way her mere presence seemed to make his troubles drop away because his whole attention was focused on <em>her </em>and her alone. The odd ritual of domesticity they had found themselves in every night resettled over them, and he wanted that ease for as long as he could have it, because that ease was so rare with another person. He wanted to share more leftovers and terrible wine with her, and to hear her tease him about his musical preferences and to help him with Lethe business.</p><p>He just wanted her...curled up in his side, his arm around her because nothing else had felt more right in his life. And he certainly never thought he'd find this kind of happiness or that ease with the life he's led.</p><p>Sometime in the night he must have fallen asleep, because before he knew it, Alex was waking him up with a rough shake of his shoulder.</p><p>He startled awake, thankfully containing a grunt of surprise, his eyes snapping to Alex in annoyance. A slight weight on his shoulder grabbed his attention, and when he looked down, he saw Dawes' head resting there, her eyes closed, her chest moving slowly up and down in sleep.</p><p>Alex raised a knowing eyebrow, before pointedly gesturing between the two of them excitedly. Rolling his eyes, Darlington just made a kind of 'shooing' gesture with his free hand — the one not currently wrapped around Dawes — and his Dante shook her head in exasperation.</p><p>"Sack up, dude," she whispered, before disappearing further into the Hutch to her room.</p><p>Darlington rolled his eyes again, even though Alex couldn't see, but he did turn to Dawes, brushing a stray curl away from her face, before nudging her shoulder gently. It wouldn't do to yank her out of whatever peaceful dream she was currently in — they had all become so...twitchy was the word used most often in recent months — so he didn't want to startle her and cause more hours of restlessness.</p><p>"Pammie," he whispered gently, moving his hand to cup her cheek. The temptation to kiss her pink lips was nearly overwhelming, but he settled for just lightly tracing circles on her freckled cheek until her eyelids started to flutter. "Let's get you to bed."</p><p>"Daniel," she murmured, coming to consciousness, her voice heavy with sleep and it was a sound that Darlington burned in his memory immediately.</p><p>Focusing on remembering how exactly his name sounded on Pamela Dawes' lips when waking from a peaceful sleep, miraculously helped him to stop the blood rushing all the way to his groin.</p><p>"What time is it?" Dawes asked, bringing his focus back to the present.</p><p>"Just past midnight," he quickly checked his watch to confirm the time, before turning back to Dawes.</p><p>She nodded, sitting up, and he couldn't help but notice a slight twitch of her shoulders, almost a shiver, as the movement unfortunately took her out of his hold. "Back to Orange?" Dawes asked, stretching her legs out a bit, and Darlington tried very hard not to focus on that.</p><p>"Unless you want to stay here," Darlington conceded, because he figured he could fall asleep on this miniature couch if she was next to him. In fact, he had done just that earlier tonight.</p><p>"Your bed is much nicer than the cots we keep her," she grinned broadly, almost cheekily, and he felt lighter than air.</p><p>With a nod, the two gathered up their plates, quickly rinsing them and depositing them in the dishwasher. Darlington grabbed his coat and was waiting by the door as Dawes went back to her room, saying she needed to grab a few things. When she returned, that small duffel bag she had left his Virgil rooms with all those weeks ago was slung over her shoulder. He didn't comment the bag, but he couldn't help but to hope that the gesture meant that she was serious about continuing their previous arrangement.</p><p>He opened the door for Dawes, placing a hand on the small of her back as they walked out the door and down the stairs of the Hutch. They made their way back to Orange in comfortable silence, their arms brushing with every step. He remembered Aelx's brash words and how right it had felt to doze on the Hutch's couch with Dawes in his arms, and reached his hand out, brushing her little finger with his, and his heart practically stopped when her little finger intertwined with his. He looked down at her, certain that his affection for her was clear in his eyes, and grinned when he saw her cheeks rosy with blush and a small smile on her lips.</p><p>Back in Il Bastone, it was surprisingly easy to fall back into their routine before <em>that </em>morning, getting ready for bed as quietly as they could. Darlington was so exhausted, he fell asleep before Dawes could return from changing in the bathroom, but before he could fall completely into a deep sleep, he felt a warmth settle on his left side, a slim arm curling around his waist.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Whew, this one was a lot, and I debated a lot where to break for both the previous chapter and the next chapter, but I'm sooo pleased with how this one played out, it's honestly my favorite chapter in the fic.</p><p>I was really worried about getting Alex's characterization right, but her mini-speech to Darlington is one of my favorite dialogue pieces in the fic!! Let me know what you thought, maybe I was way off *shrugs hopefully*</p><p>Enjoy the fluff but remember the tags. There's still plenty of angst and Darlington overthinking things to come so please stay tuned for the next chapter.</p><p>Lastly, please let me know what you think of this fic so far by leaving a kudos or a review/kind critique.</p><p>Keep an eye out for the next chapter, it's another rough one!</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. We're looking for answers in the highest of highs, but will we ever know?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here's another pretty rough chapter, but I don't want to give too much away so I'll just say that I really hope you've been enjoying the fic and that this will live up to your expectations.</p><p>I don't own anything, obviously. Characters belong to Goth Queen Leigh Bardugo and title is from CHVRCHES's song, "Miracle."</p><p>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Something shifted next to him, but it was too dark to see what it was. He felt himself being turned over — he must have been on his side before — until he was flat on his back. But the dark was so oppressing he was starting to get worried about why he couldn't see anything.</p><p>"<em>No</em><em>,</em>" a familiar voice felt like an ice-cold shower to his system.</p><p>Darlington's eyes flew open, sucking in a deep breath as he found himself staring at the ceiling of his Virgil's rooms. He couldn't remember a dream to have been yanked out of, but his reality was looking more dreamlike every second.</p><p>Dawes was hovering above her, her red curls falling in front of her eyes, her hands tearing at his shirt. His own legs were practically pinned by her knees on her thighs, and a hot flash seared his body where their hips met. The sheets and comforter were tangled by their waists, but due to the way she was sitting atop him, Dawes' entire body to her knees was visible. His hands were reaching to see if the skin of her thighs was as soft as he was imagining, her small flannel pajama shorts revealing more leg than he had seen from Dawes.</p><p>"No, no, <em>no,</em>" she was muttering, and the words stalled his thoughts that were turning more sinful and lecherous by the second.</p><p>Her hands finally made their way under his t-shirt, warmth radiating from them as they stopped on top of his chest, right over his heart. He looked up, not daring to move to brush the hair from Dawes' face, and saw her beautiful, freckled features contorted in pain, tears making their way down her cheeks to splatter on his shirt.</p><p>Not daring to move more than a bit at a time — he had a feeling that she was still being gripped with whatever horrible vision that had caused this outburst — he slowly raised a shaking hand to push red curls away from her face. A choked sob escaped her, brown irises disappearing behind eyelids screwing tightly shut, and he had to suppress the desire that flooded his veins as her blunt fingernails dug into the skin of her chest.</p><p>She was feeling his heartbeat, he realized, but her whole body still shook with quiet sobs.</p><p>"I'm sorry," she whispered, going to pull her hand back from his chest, but Darlington placed a gentle hand on top of hers, only the thin barrier of his shirt separating their hands and her hand stopped its movement, resettling on his chest. Her eyes snapped open at the movement, searching his face before landing on where his hand was now covering hers.</p><p><em>It's okay,</em> he wanted to say. <em>Tell me what happened,</em> he wanted to say.</p><p>But he didn't have a right to tell her how to feel about her nightmares. Darlington would just be a supporting ear for her to confess her fears to, he wanted her to trust him again and that meant letting her come to him in her own time to tell him why she woke up crying and desperate to feel his heartbeat.</p><p>"You were dead," she whispered, the words sinking deep into his skin, but he stayed quiet, trying to convey his sympathy through the hand on top of hers and his shirt. "But it was different, this time, it was so real. It was when we were leaving hell, and there were so many monsters after us, I couldn't see them all. Grays were swarming us in every direction...and I just lost track of you. Just...for one second, I couldn't see you," her voice ended in a sob, and he started rubbing circles on top of her hand.</p><p>He knew that she'd had nightmares where he had died before, but clearly there was something about this one that had terrified her more than most. Or maybe, the horrifying thought filled his mind, that it was due to the extended separation that had amplified the feeling of loss — he was certain that if he hadn't been blessed with a dreamless sleep, his own fear if he had to watch Dawes die would have been increased exponentially.</p><p>"I-I-I-" she broke off into another round of cries, quiet but powerful ones that seemed to wrack her whole body.</p><p>Unable to keep still any longer, he sat up a bit, using a free hand to cup the back of her neck, bringing her forehead to rest against his. He breathed deeply, drawing in the scent of his soap and old books, hoping to assuage some of her fear. Silently urging her to follow his lead, he let out deep breaths and she started calming down, her own breathing evening out until it matched his.</p><p>"I couldn't see you," Dawes repeated, "and then I was back. I was here and you weren't. Alex and Michelle were with me, but you were just...gone."</p><p>"I'm right here, Pammie," he breathed, itching to close the distance between them. "I won't leave you again."</p><p>She smiled, but there was something sad about it as she closed her eyes briefly, another tear leaking from her eye. "Won't you?" She whispered so quietly, it was a challenge for him to hear it even in the silent room.</p><p>Desperate to prove her that he wouldn't, he surged forward, crashing his lips onto hers, their teeth nearly clanking together from the force. His eyes were closed, one hand still on the back of her neck, holding her in place, and the hand that had been holding the one on his chest in place moved to her waist, slipping underneath the overlarge t-shirt she wore. Darlington's breath practically rushed out of his chest, desire flushing his body when he felt the soft skin at her hip, his fingers dipping just beneath the waistband of her pajama shorts.</p><p>Dawes gasped, her hand on his chest curling on itself, her nails digging into his chest once again. For a brief moment, he was terrified that he had misread her and she was going to push him away, but she returned the kiss, her lips moving against his smoothly even as his kiss became more demanding.</p><p>Catching his deep breath in between deep pants, Darlington angled his head to deepen the kiss, swiping his tongue across her lower lip, barely resisting the urge to bite down on the soft flesh. She let out a sound — a wonderful noise between a whimper and a gasp that seemed to vibrate straight to his groin — and he slipped his tongue into her mouth, groaning at the sensation. She met his tongue with her own, the hand on his chest moving to wrap around his back and grip his shoulder, his other arm snaking around his neck to pull him closer.</p><p>His eyes nearly rolled back in his head as Dawes shifted her hips minutely, but as she was still practically straddling him, the movement brought her brushing against the aching tent in his pants. He pulled back with a grunt, scanning her face to commit her flushed, kiss-bruised expression to memory, before he moved his lips to her neck, kissing and nipping at the soft skin there.</p><p>"Daniel," she breathed, her hand around his neck going to card through his hair, only spurring him on.</p><p>He couldn't help but compare this to the Manuscript-induced nightmare he was always haunted with, and he had to say that he greatly preferred reality. Dawes' skin was soft and freckled, and he breathed in the scent of his own laundry detergent with her sweat and it was intoxicating. Not knowing how much longer he could keep his hand beneath her shirt from wandering higher, he wrapped that arm more firmly around her back, turning them so she was lying back on his pillow while he hovered above her.</p><p>
  <em>Won't you?</em>
</p><p>He wouldn't...he <em>wouldn't </em>leave her, he <em>wouldn't</em> hurt her.</p><p>Darlington sat back on his haunches, the two adjusting their lower bodies briefly, so he was resting between her legs. Tugging his shirt over his head and tossing it somewhere behind him — his skin felt like it was on fire — he dove back, kissing her briefly on the lips deeply, one hand going to her hip, tugging her closer.</p><p>She shifted her hips again, sending another wave of desire coursing through his body, and he reciprocated with a hard roll of his hips, grinding against her center, causing them both to gasp, Dawes' head falling back onto the pillow. He reattached his lips to her neck, chasing that glorious friction, his hand wandering all over her body, caressing whatever they could find and when one found a breast, she moaned his name in a way so full of lust, he felt his erection throb painfully. Scrambling to rid her of her clothes, because even thin pajamas were feeling too coarse and too thick between them, he unsuccessfully tried to calm his racing heart, the fire buzzing in his veins making him feel drunk, drunk on her.</p><p>Her shirt joined his somewhere on the floor, and Darlington barely had time to appreciate the expanse of pale, freckled, beautiful skin bared to him, before she surged forward, capturing his lips in another kiss. He returned the kiss roughly, finally giving in to the desire and nipping at her bottom lip as his hands gripped her tightly. The feeling of her bare breasts pressed against his chest was heavenly, and he quickly felt downwards for her shorts, trapping her between the mattress and his body as he rid her of her shorts. His own pants and boxers were yanked down in a swift move, and as he kicked them off, never breaking the stream of needy kisses he trailed from her mouth to her ear and then down to her neck, he wasn't sure if he could wait much longer until he was inside her.</p><p>He wanted to make this, their first time, amazing for her. He wanted to see her and hear her come apart over and over again before he came, but there was this nagging voice in the back of his head — <em>won't you won't you won't you </em>— that made his own desire ache with the urgency which he needed to show her that he <em>wouldn't.</em> That he was <em>here.</em></p><p>"Daniel," she sighed breathily, causing him to lift his head from her neck to gaze at the woman before him, "it's alright...yes."</p><p>With a renewed passion, he sank into her, moans and pants filling the air, the air itself seemingly heating on its own. It was utter bliss, hearing her say his name in such lusty tones, feeling her skin beneath him, around him, it was quite possibly the exact opposite of the place he had found himself in a year ago.</p><p>Darlington knew he was done for when she shuddered, calling his name as she came, and he quickly pulled out, spilling onto her thigh and slumping forward as his muscles seemed to give out. It was mildly to moderately embarrassing that he couldn't even last five minutes, but he knew she wouldn't judge him for it — besides, they had plenty of time for him to draw it out, to give her all that she deserved.</p><p>With a small cough, Dawes shifted beneath him and he realized he had laid his entire body weight on her when he collapsed. So, he rolled to the side, reaching a hand out to tug her to him, but she just sent him an apologetic look as she grabbed her clothes and headed for the bathroom. The door shut behind her with a soft click, and Darlington simply stared at it in mild shock, his heart clenching painfully.</p><p>He grabbed his own pajamas, throwing them on haphazardly — he was fairly certain that his shirt was inside out, but he couldn't find it in himself to care at the moment — and trying to keep his doubts in check.</p><p>Thankfully, she returned only a few minutes later, fully dressed and her hair looked like she had run her fingers through it in an attempt to smooth it down. Her cheeks were still flushed and her lips swollen, but her eyes...they were downcast and she refused to meet his eyes.</p><p>He was terrified he had misread the entire scene. What if her nightmare had messed with her emotions and her head? What if Alex was wrong and she only cared about him platonically? What if the nightmare wasn't so much about losing <em>him </em>but the security he represented and that she had just lost? And that had happened <em>after </em>he had reacted to a dream of something incredibly similar to what had just unfolded. Darlington rolled to the side, putting his back to Dawes. He couldn't bare it if she regretted what they had done, so he would give himself the rest of the night to believe that she didn't hate him.</p><p>Dawes silently slipped into bed next to him, and though his eyes were closed, he felt her lean over and check if he was asleep, and when she was apparently satisfied that he was, began shifting around before settling. Quietly, as she clearly believed he was asleep and couldn't hear her, she sniffed once, then again before falling silent. Her breaths were uneven, hitching in her chest every so often — they weren't the breaths of post-sex adrenaline, they were the breaths of tears.</p><p>Darlington didn't fall back asleep for quite some time, her words repeating over and over in his mind.</p><p>
  <em>Won't you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Won't you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Won't you?</em>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wheew!! A lot went on in this chapter! The first part was actually one of the first scenes I thought of for the fic, but the latter half gave me some issues because it was my first time actually writing a smut/sex scene so I just hope it lived up to your expectations. I didn't really want or think that a "fix everything with sex" situation was what these characters needed, so they still have a LOT to talk about.</p><p>Going to sound like a PSA: consent/protection is super important, so don't take these two disasters in love as any kind of example for reality. It's fic and I think Darlington's mindset sort of led him to this conclusion but I hope it didn't seem OOC. Also, I don't want there to be any confusion, so Dawes certainly consented and wanted/wants to have sex w/him but he's stuck in his head so he's not super attentive at the moment. </p><p>One more chapter left, so I'm sorry for the long A/N but I just wanted to get a little explanation out there that wouldn't fit into the fic.</p><p>This isn't over yet, since the course of true love never did run smooth.</p><p>Leave a kind critique or comment or a kudos if you want, but just thank you for reading!</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. We're looking for light in an ocean of night, but will we ever see it through?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So....here's the final chapter of this little Dawes/Darlington fic!! Can you guys believe that my original plan for this was supposed to be a one-shot?? Didn't quite work out that way.</p><p>Anyway, lots of questions are answered and I really hope you all have been enjoying the fic and enjoy the conclusion!</p><p>I don't own anything. All characters belong to Leigh Bardugo and chapter title is from "Miracle" by CHVRCHES.</p><p>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Won't you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Won't you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Won't you?</em>
</p><p>The words rang all throughout his head until he realized it was morning, and he had spent the last two hours trying to figure out what Dawes meant by them. He had hoped that sleeping with her would have proven that he wouldn't hurt her, but those last few moments before she fell back asleep had sowed immense doubt into his mind.</p><p>
  <em>Won't you?</em>
</p><p>He felt sick at the thought that she might have regretted their actions last night, and even more so if she had felt pressured into...into...</p><p>He slowly sat up, looking down at the still sleeping Oculus. Darlington had to look up at the ceiling to stop himself from screaming, crying, or vomiting as he caught sight of the dried tear tracks on her cheeks. She had clearly had a rough night, her lips were pulled tight into a harsh line and she was curled on her side, almost like she was trying to curl into herself, her knees pulled up to her chest, her hands fisting the sheets next to her head. Aching to pull a red curl away from her eyes, he turned around, getting out of bed and making his way to the bathroom.</p><p>Splashing cold water on his face, he tried to get a handle on his emotions. He gripped the edge of the marble sink so tightly his knuckles turned white, but that didn't alleviate any of the stress that filled his mind. The anxiety he felt that he had somehow ruined the chance he might have had with Dawes. The hope that still lingered when he thought about how she had pulled him closer when he thought there was no way he could be closer to her. The desire he felt as they had kissed, his hands tracing curves he never imagined he would be allowed to touch. The fear he felt whenever he thought about losing her or even telling her about his real feelings.</p><p>It was an unending cycle that last one.</p><p>Because despite the sex, he had still never told her the depths of his affections. And he was now worried  that maybe his feelings didn't line up with hers, and if he told her the attraction and feelings that had been inflamed by the previous night, she might rebuff him and leave once again. But, whenever he thought about <em>not </em>telling her, he had a feeling that <em>that </em>would be a sure way to lose her forever.</p><p>
  <em>Won't you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Won't you?</em>
</p><p>"You know it's because I lo—" Dawes' voice snapped him out of his thoughts.</p><p>Darlington looked up, feeling a familiar stir deep in his stomach when he caught sight of her in the mirror. His eyes skimmed over her form, from where her red curls were piled in a messy bun, to one of her trademark bulky sweatshirts, the fabric falling to mid-thigh, her collarbone slightly exposed by the collar. But when his eyes reached the end of the sweatshirt, his heart nearly stopped, arousal stiffening a certain part of his anatomy. Her legs were bare, pale skin stretching on for much too long, and while he was certain that she was still wearing her pajama shorts, he couldn't see them, giving the illusion that there wasn't anything underneath her sweatshirt but underwear. It was still a shock seeing her so...uncovered...vulnerable.</p><p>"That I care about you," she finished, thankfully oblivious to his staring. Dawes wrapped her arms around her torso, almost like she was protecting herself. "A lot actually."</p><p>"What is?" He asked, not daring to wonder if it was about the previous night and not daring to turn around.</p><p>"Running off the the bathroom last night. Thinking you'll leave me," Dawes replied, her voice surprisingly calm considering Darlington felt like his heart was alternating between beating so rapidly it would stop or just plain stopping all together. "I can't help it sometimes. I just <em>know </em>that if I don't protect myself...it'll hurt more."</p><p>"I would <em>never </em>lay a finger on you, Pammie," he ground out fiercely, desperate for her to believe that he would never physically harm her, not while his heart beat.</p><p>Dawes nodded soundly, a thin, watery smile turning up her pink lips. "I know you wouldn't Daniel...but that doesn't mean you can't hurt me."</p><p>She took a shuddering breath, and he simply clenched his hands tighter, his fingers digging into the marble countertop so he didn't give into the impulse to reach out and touch her. Based on her defensive posture, he wasn't sure such a gesture would be appreciated.</p><p>"Do you know what it's like?" She continued, "How <em>mortifying </em>it is...to hear the man you...to hear someone else's name come from the man...the man who has his hands all over you? Whose touch scorches every nerve in your body?" Her voice was growing stronger with every word, and Darlington raised his head, meeting her steely gaze in the mirror.</p><p>He hoped she could see how guilty he felt for that morning and that he understood the feeling she was describing — that desperate mix of hope and fear and longing. Darlington didn't even dwell on the fact that she was basically admitting that she, at the very lease, felt the same attraction he did — in his most secret dreams he would believe she was admitting to the same deeper feelings, but he couldn't bear to think about that now.</p><p>"How foolish you might feel to have let yourself <em>believe,</em>" her voice broke on the last word, determination turning into desperation in an instant. "Daniel...for just one moment..."</p><p>"I can't take back that morning," he declared quietly as she trailed off. "But please believe me that there's nothing between Alex and me. It was one night almost a year ago, and neither of us have any desire to repeat it, I <em>swear.</em>"</p><p>She shrugged, but nodded her head sadly, that same watery smile reappearing. "I believe you, I do...doesn't mean it doesn't hurt."</p><p>Darlington nodded in understanding, he didn't know if there was a way to convince her that he and Alex were truly just friends. Well, it wasn't that he needed to convince her of that fact — it seemed like she already believed him on that front — but it came back to the same cycle that had plagued him for weeks now. How to tell, or show, her how much she meant to him.</p><p>"But last night was about you," she continued simply. Any kind of malice gone from her voice, but there was a quiet determination there, one that was so uniquely <em>Dawes </em>that it hurt even more. That made it all the more shocking. "It was about feeling guilty about that morning."</p><p>"I know, and I'm sorry Pammie," he whispered, ashamed that she had apparently seen straight through him. Darlington met her eyes, seeing that same fiery steel in her voice reflected there. "I wasn't thinking about what you wanted...what was best for you. I thought it <em>was </em>what you wanted."</p><p>She scoffed slightly in derision. "Don't act like you were doing me some great favor," Dawes growled fiercely, before all the fight seemed to drain out of her. Her arms fell limp to her sides, and she finally broke his gaze, brown eyes dropping to the floor, her voice thin but strong. "That's worse than saying you regret it."</p><p>"I let the demon get the better of me."</p><p>A small chuckle drew his attention. Darlington had looked away briefly, unable to face her as he said the words he truly believed.</p><p>"The gentleman of Lethe," Dawes teased, shaking her head as she raised her eyes to his again. "Yeah, you were selfish during sex, but that doesn't make you the demon, it makes you a regular guy." She waved her hands in the air, the steel back in her voice. "For centuries, women have been conditioned that their sexual desires are secondary to their male partners' and, yeah, maybe I was stuck in that archaic mindset yesterday. But I still consented, I wanted it because, trust me, I did, so don't try and turn this into some kind of guilt trip for yourself."</p><p>He couldn't help but fall a little bit further for Dawes. Because she was right, and he had no way to argue with her rhetoric. He had been selfish and so stereotypical and unthinking, and he just wanted to keep proving himself and give her what she deserves — which was much more than a selfish demon.</p><p>But if she wanted him, he'd give her all that he could for as long as she would have him.</p><p>"You <em>did </em>want it?" Darlington asked, grabbing onto the one bit of hope that she had given him.</p><p>She rolled her eyes and her cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink that gave him his answer even before she nodded.</p><p>With that, Dawes took her usual place beside him at the sink, going to brush her teeth. Darlington followed suit, smirking to himself as the domesticity of the moment hit him again. It had been weeks since they had done their morning routines side-by-side and he had nearly forgotten how comforting it was to have her with him.</p><p>They didn't say anything, but he sometimes caught her eyes in the mirror or his shoulder would brush against his briefly, and he couldn't help but tell her what he was feeling...what he had been feeling. That their relationship, despite the confusion and miscommunication of the last night, was worth trying to figure out and salvage. Because from what he could figure out, and what he desperately hoped, was that his feelings <em>were indeed reciprocated,</em> and if that was the truth...maybe he still had a chance.</p><p>"I will be regretting what I said that morning for the rest of my life," he admitted, grabbing her wrist as she had been moving to go back into their room, "because I lost you. I just...I wanted it to be you. I <em>want it </em>to be you."</p><p>Her brown eyes searched his face, probably looking for any sign that he was lying, but he knew there was only love and affection radiating from his expression. A quiet gasp slipped past her parted lips, the wrist he held turning to intertwine their fingers and the other reaching out towards him, but she stopped just before she could touch the skin of his cheek, her hand falling back to her side.</p><p>"Is there anything I could do to make you believe me again?" He whispered, his voice low but he kept his gaze steady on her face. Darlington watched as flickers of hope and desperation and fear crossed her eyes, ending on some kind of sadness, but a kind that was tinted with joy that made the sadness so much deeper.</p><p>"Sex isn't the right way to go about it," Dawes replied, her tone striving for levity but there was that hurt in her eyes and determination in the way she raised an eyebrow at him. "Not if you don't mean it. And it's not that I don't believe you, <em>I do,</em>" her brown eyes fluttered closed for a brief moment, her voice dropping to a whisper, "but I don't know if I can let myself."</p><p>He couldn't help but reach out a hand and cup her cheek, his thumb stroking the soft, freckled skin. Her voice was so dejected and resigned that Darlington felt his heart go out to her. Whomever it was that put this doubt in her mind, even if it had been him, was going to feel his wrath for causing such a strong, brave, intelligent girl to be wracked with insecurities where there should be none.</p><p>"But it's hard," she took in a shaky breath, leaning her head minutely into his palm. There must have been something about his touch that gave her strength because she opened her eyes, the golden-brown pools reflective in the fluorescent light. "It's hard when the man you've been in love with appears to want you back. It's terrifying. Because if you give in and you believe, and it turns out not to be real....it breaks you." She leveled him with a steady gaze, and he was reminded of Alex's words that morning after she found them together — <em>just don't break her into so many pieces she cuts herself on her jagged edges </em>— as her next words seemed to pierce his soul. Whatever was left of it anyway. "And the doubt won't disappear. So, do you take that chance? Do you gamble with your heart? Does he <em>really </em>love you back or is it just lust? It's fucking terrifying."</p><p>He nodded in understanding, his heart breaking for the small redhead in front of him, huddling in her bulky sweatshirt as it swallowed her up, but her legs were bare and looking pale against the cabinets. "I'm sorry, Pammie. I wish I could make that doubt disappear, but I know it will never leave. I just hope that the doubt gets smaller and smaller until you don't have to think twice about my sincerity when I say I love you. And I'm close, Pammie, I really am, but I can't hurt you again. <em>What </em>I am now...sometimes love feels impossible."</p><p>She leaned into his touch, a wistful smile on her face, both her arms coming out to wrap around his waist. It took all of his self-control to stay relaxed and to not react to the motions, even though his entire body was tingling just from the simple act. The action had brought her entire body closer to his, he could feel the heat radiating from underneath her sweatshirt and her legs brushed against his nervously.</p><p>"You're a man, Daniel Arlington," Dawes said forcefully, "not anything else."</p><p>Unable to resist any longer, he bent his head, giving her plenty of time to pull away, brushing his nose against hers, before pressing his lips to hers. Dawes' lips were already parted, and his slotted against them nicely, a feeling of relief spreading throughout his body as her lips molded against his sweetly.</p><p>Her hand landed on his cheek, and emboldened, Darlington curved one hand around her waist, tugging her gently to him. Desire flooded his body as her curves pressed against him, a coil forming in his stomach as he imagined what it would be like to push her against the marble counter, to devour her lips. But he remembered what she had said about sex not being the answer and held himself in check.</p><p>Darlington kept the kiss gentle, almost sweet in its innocence, their lips gliding over one another softly, their hands never straying — other than when Dawes moved one arm from around his waist to the back of his neck, playing with the short hairs there.</p><p>Regrettably, he pulled back, but only enough so he could look at her. Her eyes remained closed for a brief second more, her cheeks flushed and her lips swollen from the kiss — she was truly beautiful. He let go of her hand, reaching up to brush stray curls away from her face, his breaths coming in uneven breaths. It would take all of his strength not to continue the kiss with all the desperate desire he felt, but there would be time for that.</p><p>There would be times for heady kisses and passionate love. For brushing their teeth and falling asleep on the couch next to each other. For more fights and misunderstandings and doubt. For tears and laughter and magic. For love to find its way into Darlington's life and for hope and joy to find its way to Dawes.</p><p>"I want to try this with you," he admitted quietly, his eyes looking downwards as he leaned his forehead against hers. "And if you need time to trust me again, I'll wait forever. After all, you did save me from literal hell, Pammie."</p><p>"Daniel," Dawes sighed tersely but with a dry laugh. "Alex and Michelle brought you back. I was just there for my moderate healing knowledge and moral support."</p><p>"Don't ever say that," he all but growled. Did she really think so little of herself and how she had saved him in these past few months? "You <em>saved me,</em> Pammie. All these weeks you laid next to me...you kept my nightmares at bay. Just by being <em>you </em>and being <em>there,</em> you saved me." <em>And I think I'm falling in love with you for that,</em> he finished in his head, hoping the sentiment carried through in his eyes.</p><p>Dawes' eyes searched his expression, darting all over his face, disbelief and shock and understanding flickering in her brown eyes before settling on a deep affection.</p><p>The corners of her lips quirked upwards into a delicious smirk, and Darlington leaned forward to kiss the corner of her mouth chastely, but with all the emotion he hoped to convey.</p><p>"Well," Dawes sighed, both her arms moving to snake around his neck, pulling him even closer. Darlington grinned, and with a slight nod, he moved his hands to her waist, lifting her up to set her on the countertop, her airy giggles filling the air. All of the tension and uncertainty from only a few minutes ago was gone, replaced by a lightness and ease between each other. "Forever seems a bit excessive. Maybe just...day by day?"</p><p>The grin on his lips grew even wider, "Day by day sounds like a plan."</p><p>Their hands bent together, lips sliding against each other softly as they sealed the promise to each other. Day by day, he would prove himself worthy of her affections. Day by day, Dawes would hopefully realize he was sincere, that doubt shrinking day by day, their love growing day by day.</p><p>It felt akin to a miracle to Darlington.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>First, I just want to say thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read this fic all the way to the end. I truly had no idea if anyone would even read this little story of mine, so I am truly grateful to anyone who has read all of this and even more to those who have left a comment or kudos...they literally make my day every time I see the notification.</p><p>I hope everyone enjoyed this finale, finally getting some insight into what Dawes has been thinking about throughout this fic. I adore her and just want her to be happy, but Darlington had to get out of his own head to realize what Dawes needed.</p><p>And I did promise a happy ending, you all deserve one after making it through all this angst.</p><p>Please, give a kind comment or critique if you feel so inclined, or a kudos, I really appreciate them all!</p><p>Thank you all again for reading!!!</p>
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